Laugh and Cry

I let Toby have his cone off for a break and Makoa got ahold of it!

He just cannot figure out how to put it on like Toby!

Yesterday me and my little buddy had a good day. He was so good but tired! Around 11 I was at my desk and he laid on the floor and grabbed my toe. He holds onto your finger as he falls asleep.  Guess he couldn't reach it so he grabbed my toe.  lol! I got him ready for his nap and he slept 3 hours!

I have an appointment for the doctor for my heel on Friday. Mom made me promise to go. I am thinking bone spur but I am not a doctor.... I just google one.

I'm sitting here feeling rather sad.  Have you ever googled medical issues?  Well, I did this morning. I talked to mom after her doctor appointment yesterday.  They are increasing her water pill, which I figured they would with her swollen feet.  They took an xray of her lungs. The pneumonia is gone, but I didn't like mom's answer either. She has congestive heart disease or CHF.... which she has had for awhile. But it is bad right now.   It is when the heart is unable to keep up with pumping the fluids out properly, the fluid can back up into the lungs causing some shortness of breath and swelling to the lower extremities. I think that is what my dad had at the end.This is the very last photo we have of my dad a week before he died. Look how swollen and puffy he looks? My cardiac brother, Doug, said if he had seen the picture he could tell. 

My dad was in a wheelchair with both feet amputated... he had a pre leukemia condition and had to get blood transfusions, and he had emphysema and was on oxygen. He was not a healthy man. However, he had been in and out of the hospital quite often and always came home. The last time I saw my dad was at the hospital... he was sitting on the side of the bed and we were visiting. I kissed him and told him I loved him and Lanny and I left the room. The next night I decided to stay home because he was coming home the next morning. However, I didn't know that home was Heaven. I couldn't believe it... he always comes home! When I got at the hospital and saw his body I freaked and got light headed and queasy. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Mom and Libby took me out of there. Needless to say... I didn't handle his death well at all.

Where I am going with this... is I am trying to prepare myself for my mom. I don't think I am being overly dramatic or worrisome or anything. I just need to be as prepared as possible. None of us know how long she has. She told me Sunday that people keep praying her back. I am not ready for her to go.... but she has told me she is. She is tired. Tired of being tired. I love my mama. I am already crying as I write this. Lord... prepare us!

This is one of mom's favorite songs.

Sorry if I got you down. If any of you have lost a parent you understand what I mean. If any of you fear losing a parent... you should be able to get it.  If you are one of the family... I would advise you to go see her while you can.  If you are my blogger buddies... please pray God's will be done with my mom.  If it was my will she would always be with me. xoxo

I'm going to leave you with friends singing to mom for her birthday! Another of her favorite songs! Candice is one of my bff's.... she moved to the other Washington last summer! =(  She is in Seattle now but she is in the musical "A Christmas Story" at the 5th Avenue and super busy so I don't think I will get to see her. another =(    The guy on the guitar is Ron... one of Lanny's bff and the husband of my other bff Sharon! Enjoy the song..... mom did.