HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYLAN!

Our little Dylan is not so little any more. He turns 14 today.  That blows my mind... it really has to weird Karla and Joel out. It doesn't seem long ago when Karla was 14! 

I want to wish a very happy and special birthday week for you Dylan! I love you so much!!! So does Papa!!!  You are very special to us and you always will be!  xoxo!!!!

I lost my f drive with my pictures so I took these off facebook. Hope to find time to fix it this weekend. :(

Happy birthday mama.....

I am glad it is Wednesday.  I wish it was Friday....but at least it isn't Monday. lol!  Today is my mama's birthday.  She would have been 84.  I miss this lady every day.  The Lord has really protected my heart, though.  I thought I wouldn't be able to live without her...ever... but God has put a peace in my heart and a strength I didn't know I had.  He is good.  Happy birthday mama!

Work is fine.  Apple, apples, apples! This week we are talking apples all week. Singing about apples. Reading about apples.  Today... we be eating apples.  We are going to see if we can tell the difference between a Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, and a Granny Smith.  They picked their favorite by color... now we will do the taste test.  Should be interesting.  We are also making little apple turnovers. Num!

My grandson Dylan turns 14 tomorrow!  Him and I are going to do something on Saturday.

Well... I have to leave in 15 minutes so I best get moving!  Have a great day!!!!  May God fill your hearts with peace!

Craziness.... just want to get things to settle down.

Ok.... things are starting to get back to normal. Miss my mom so much!  Haven't seemed to have too much time to even think....but when I do... I think of her. Doesn't help I am still trying to put things away that were her stuff. I have the den almost clean.  Next I have to clean the dining room table off and my living room.  We cleaned the toy room yesterday.... it went from being Andrew's room to the girls....they are here and use it the most.  Poor Andrew must have felt displaced when he came last night after youth group. Dylan had the den, Maddie and Lauren had the bedroom. Andrew got the living room couch until we got up... then he got my bed.  Karla picked up Dylan and took Andrew home. The older they get... the less often they stay. Part of life. Part of growing up.  It was so hot in here last night it was hard to sleep.  None of us could sleep except papa and andrew.  The girls got up about 3 times to wake me so they could tell me they couldn't sleep.  lol!  It was after midnight on the last time they came in! Then they got up at 7:30.

At work Friday.... State licensing came in.  She checked every nook and cranny in our center.  We did pretty good but people sure freak out and get nervous. 

I spent yesterday at Softball tournament about 50 miles away in Gig Harbor.  Karla's team played. Well. she didn't play..... she sat with us. Veronica met me in walmart and rode with me. We had fun!  Dylan rode with us back. We sang to him! lol!  The games were fun!  Tara was amazing! She played catcher the whole day.... and she sure did good.... putting a few runners out at home and she hit the ball pretty good too. I was so proud of her. And Joel made some incredible catches in outfield.   Our team played so good.... but the other teams played a little better. We lost our first two games.... then we won our 3rd game....lost our last one and that sent us home.  I'm so proud of them all.

Last night I came home and went on line to take my Adult/Child/Infant CPR/First Aid Course.  Finished it this morning! Tomorrow I go to the Nursing home and Kristen will test Sarah and I and we will be current!  Mine had expired. It all came back to me.

Lauren, Maddie, Veronica, Dylan, Maddie and I are going to Lion King 3-D this afternoon!  I guess I am a little excited. I would feel more excited if I wasn't having some female problems. :(  Not sure if Andrew is going... he will let me know, I guess.

My mama's birthday is Wednesday. I want to see if my sisters want to go out to Stella's for dinner and we can go through all the cards we have gotten, etc.... Nice way to celebrate her birthday, I think. 

Dylan turns 14 on Friday.  Not sure if they are doing anything for him... haven't heard anything.

I need to get ready to go.  I just thought I would touch base.  Papa is bringing in my fall decorations. More stuff. Lol!!!!

Have a great week!!!!!! xoxo

HAPPY FALL!!!!!

I have about 5 minutes to type this.  Andrew has ASB 3 days a week and has to be to school an hour early.... so I have to leave early on those days. 

Yesterday was so tiring.  Had a quick circle time...then we took the kids to the Marine Science Center ... about a mile away from the school... walked there and back.  When we got back they had lunch and rest time. Then I had to take 10 kids next door for IGP.... to have ice cream cones with some of the grandma's and grandpa's at the nursing home.  By myself. That was fun for the kids but kind of brought some pain for me .... especially when I saw one woman laying there looking quite a bit like my mom before she died.  In two weeks.... Sarah is taking them!  Long day.  Had to stay late because of the window washers coming.  I was so glad to get home.

Here are some pictures! :D  Kids at Marine Science Center

(Sarah) Ms. Burke reading to the kids.

This is our circle time.... I created it all by myself!

This is parent info center... some of our art... and where they sign their kids in and out!

They colored leaves.... this is our Seasonal Tree.... and now it is Fall!

HAPPY FALL!  Today is the first day of Fall!  I am going to embrace it rather than hate. Have a great day! It is Friday!!!! xoxo

Sheeeeee's Back!!!!

I am going to try to get back on track with my blogging. I have another blog that is labeled "Private Thoughts" that is closed to everyone but me.  I have been writing in there lately because some of the thoughts I didn't want to bore everyone with. I think I am getting more thoughtful as I age.  I think about others alot more than myself.  I hope it never changes.

My house is so insane.  The mess!!!!  I haven't cleaned in weeks! Literally!  Since mom got sick. I haven't been home!  When I am.... I am exhausted!  So guess what I am doing this weekend?  I am getting my house in order.  Papa is good for vacuuming, cooking, the kitchen is clean, the bathrooms are clean, our sheets and laundry are kept clean...and he folded a blanket on the couch!  But he doesn't do clutter and stuff!  That is my dept.  It is so nice to come home to a dinner cooked!  Last night he made chili and corn bread! Num!  Night before it was stew.  It was the best stew I have ever eaten! Seriously!!!  And biscuits.  My husband is the best.  We still have the Nutri System food.  We took a break during all that happened.  Now we need to talk about it again. The food is nasty. And for being for "diabetic's" it seems to be all pasta and tomato sauce.  I am not a fan of either. Something has got to be done!

Work has gone good!  Teaching is fun.... most of the time!  MOST of the kids are pretty good. I have the biggest class in the school with 11 kids.  Ms. Burke (Junior Kindergarten) has 6.  Ms. Lynch has 8 in her k/1st grade.  Yesterday they made a tree tracing their arm... then we made leaves using tiny scraps of colored paper.  The day before we made a Seasonal Tree that we will decorate different for every season.  We are doing a Fall theme this week because tomorrow is the first day of Fall!  Next week it is all about Apples. 
We also did the National Earthquake Drill yesterday.  I taught the kids about earthquakes... what they may feel like, sound like, sounds you may hear, things you may see.  Kind of like walking on a trampoline or being on a ride at the fair. I taught them to Drop, Cover and Hold!!!! Practiced having the kids go under the table, cover their heads, and hold on to the leg!  They did so great. At 10:15 I left the kids with Ms. Cherie and rang the bell in the hall for 60 seconds.... as long as most of them last.  Marcey checked in the classrooms and said all the kids were participating and doing great!!!!!  Next they had to go out to the playground and line up along the fence. They were all accountable and we told them how proud we were of them!  Also got our monthly fire drill out of the way at the same time! lol!
I am dreading today.  A field trip to the Marine Science Center!!! We are walking and I need prayer for my heel and back.  Taking 15 kids!  Then I have to take 10 kids to an Ice Cream Social next door today.  I may get out of it....it is kind of soon to go into the nursing home for me.
I guess Joanna gave me a compliment to the Directors meeting... she said with all I have been through lately... I have really stepped up to the plate! I have done a wonderful job stepping into the role of teacher....etc...etc...  This is from someone who doesn't give out compliments often...and never to your face.  Which still wasn't to my face and if it wasn't for Marcey... I still wouldn't know about it. Plus Joanna has said hi to me two days in a row.  Hmmmm.....

Well... I am posting a few pictures I have taken over the past few days....

This is Sarah Burke... our new teacher! She is so fun and we click so well together. She is amazing and helps me soooo much!

My sand people!

One day I was feeling a bit down after work about my mom and not being able to call her... and as I was walking to my car... I noticed this Yellow rose bush! I started to take care of it and picked a flower.  Thanks mom! I love you too!

We made streamers... the point was dancing like falling leaves... then they ran around the playground like Olympic runners!  They also through them off the top of the playground equipment like fireworks. They had more fun with those...and said it was the best day ever!

Coming in from recess!

Andrew took these of yesterday morning's sky! It was gorgeous. I take him to ASB 3 days a week and get Lauren on the bus every day. :D

I took this the day I went back to work after mom died. God saying.. keep going, the sun still rises!

I loved this one, too. Same day... different spot.

 Well... best get geared up for today!  I hope you have a great day!  God bless your comings and your goings!!!! xoxo

The service was special!

The service was wonderful!  Mom would have loved it!  Very much!  Just the right amount of people. Perfect.  I was amazed by all the people... surprised some came....surprised some didn't.


  All our family  (57!) that came:
Rick,
Rita,
Ricky, Kelly, Ryan, Aaron and Shawn
Ronnie, Tiffany, Taylor, Brandon
Denika and Bentley,
Don, Lois and Denise,
Lanny & Myself,
Brad, Tara, Jordy, Riley
Karla, Dylan and Maddie (Joel was hunting)
Don, Heather, Parker, Patrick, Josh and Jared
Amanda, Andrew, and Lauren (Ryan working Cali.)
Kevon and Meghan,
Kevin, Libby, Jack, Kevin, Kara, Emerson
David, Alyssa and Jessica

cousins:
Mike and Betsy DeLay
Holly, Jennifer, Grant, Darrin
Bob, Linda,
Amy and Jon


So many friends of us kids, of mom's, church friends, it was quite a tribute to her!

The wonderful things about this service...from my eyes:
1. The time before getting ready downstairs...when the family came together.
2.  Ron and Sharon sang "In the Garden"
3.  Pastor Sabin gave a great Eulogy
4.  Pastor Joel Wood did a great job!
5.  Cried during "Amazing Grace"
6.  Laughed at the end of the service..when Frank the organist held the note too long at the end and Pastor Wood kept looking at him. I lost it.
7.  Dad was in the service. We didn't get mom's ashes so Libby put Dad's up there...then a cloth and mom and dad's picture.  We loved it!

8.  There was so much food at the reception.  Karla and Tara did a great job lining it up!
9.  The time of sharing about mom was good... speaking was Duane Sabin, Libby, Me, Denise, Rick, Maddie, Lauren, Emerson read Doug's, someone from church, and Kevon.
10. The video Karla made of mom was amazing!!! People cried, laughed and watched.
11.  The picture board turned out good.... we had a guest book, a card basket, and the flower arrangement from Ms. Carrie on the table. Plus the Memorial bulletin Karla made! It was awesome! Parker handed them out half way through.
12.  The flowers and centerpieces were gorgeous thanks to Amanda and Meghan!!!
13. David came....with sunglasses on, crying the whole time, but he was there and he got some time with his girls.
14.  Everyone enjoyed themselves....which is what mom would have loved!
15.  People pitched in and helped clean... especially Libby's family and my family!!!
16.  Having the great, great one there was a ray of sunshine!
17.  Kevon rubbing my shoulder during the service while Lanny rubbed my hand.
18.  The grand kids ALL coming up to hug me after the service (while I was still laughing in the pew)... that was so special to me!
19.  It was almost a memorial for mom and dad!  They were really one!

There was sooo much more... but these were things I will never forget!
Check out mom's memorial if you get a chance. http://elainealwaysinourheart.blogspot.com/

Thank you my school kids!!!!

I've been back to work for 2 days. Seems like a week.  I can normally separate the personal life from work....but yesterday was a very agitating day for me.  There are changes and rumors of changes going on at work and mostly I think it was because yesterday was a week since mom went home to Jesus.  I had a major meltdown last night.  Huge. I was at work and it Veronica came and distracted me. Which was wonderful because I was getting very tense. She helped with Niko and his brother Benji. I love her!!!! She was a godsend to me.  When I left the center....I got stuck in traffic. The bridge was backed up half way up the hill to Hilltop!  If you know the area at all... it's 3 or 4 miles still to the bridge.  And we were not moving.  Finally I drove down the side of the cars and turned right on Big Valley and went through Kingston. It was very frustrating and I was already edgy!!! Got home and papa had burnt the fish. So that made him crabby and he kept asking me what I wanted...I didn't know!!!! I told him that 10 times...every time he asked. And I didn't care. All I could think of was mom and how much I missed her.  Finally I took a pillow from the couch...went out to the porch swing... hugged the pillow and cried like a baby!  I couldn't help it. I miss her so much it hurts!!!!  I can keep it together for the most part.... but not always.  I was pretty numb the rest of the night. Sat and "watched" that stupid "Wipe Out" show with papa.... he likes it.... and I mostly watched the clock until it reached 8:58....when mama left me. Yes, I kind of feel that way to be honest with you. Then I went to bed and slept like a rock until 5:30 this morning.

I got the nicest surprise when I walked into the class Wednesday... this sign:

Karla was at my house in the morning while I was gone.... she was making a nice memorial program for mom for the reception.  I can't wait to see it. I know she did a good job. Pastor Joel was doing one for the service upstairs but we wanted some thing more personal for people to take home. I wish it was all over.

Have a great Friday! I am so glad it is here!

Back to work.....

It is Wednesday morning. Another hurdle to cross this morning.... work.  I haven't been there since I tore out of there to go to the hospital Thursday.  Lots of hurdles.  I called my mom everyday on my way to work and back.  I will miss those calls.

I finished the memory trifold board of pictures of mom. Karla is almost done with the video. Her and Tara were here yesterday morning...and we looked at it. It is so good. Tara brought flowers over from her neighbor Carrie.  I love Carrie....they are so beautiful and it was so sweet of her!!!!

Yesterday I got my lessons with the kids done.... so I am ready for school.  Took it easy a lot of the day.  My sleep is all messed up.  I have so much to write...but I am still so numb. I am afraid when it wears off.  I did write this a earlier this morning.... I will share it with you. I may read it on Saturday.

My mom had three favorite words. “I Love You”.  Most of us heard those words from her and got one of her great hugs.  When she said those words….she truly meant them! Mom was one of the most loving people I ever knew.  She was loyal and could be very defensive of her family.  She was also quick to forgive.  My parents were the epitome of unconditional love!  Sure, they didn’t agree with all of our choices … but they would love us and be there for us always. No matter what….and I never doubted it.   

It is hard to speak of my mom without mentioning my dad. The Bible says in “Mark 10:6-9 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  Having been married for 58 years….they were one.  They had some rough patches in their marriage.  Money was always tight.  Six kids were a handful.  Mom was strong.  She said she always loved dad….sometimes she didn’t like him much, but she always loved him.  It was with honesty, humor, perseverance, unconditional love, forgiveness, loyalty, and faith that she lived and loved. This is what my mom left us. It is my prayer that we can learn this from my mom….that this be her legacy….that we never forget her example.

Sunday

It's been a busy couple of days.  I haven't had time to post or the desire.  I am doing ok though. Not sinking into despair or anything like that.  God is with me.

This morning I woke up and started mama's memory page.  Here is the link: http://elainealwaysinourheart.blogspot.com/.
Like I say....it is only the start. I got a bit side tracked because I read her other two blogs.... the one of her memories and the one we started in 2007.  It sure says how she was waiting and just living to be with Jesus and dad again.  It comforted me.

I called my Aunt Lorraine. I needed to see how she was doing. Mom would want me to do it. I just called her again. She is stronger than anyone gives her credit for. She is so glad mom is where she wanted to go....and is pain free.  She is thinking of mom more than herself. Those sisters did that! Now she is second guessing whether she should have came out to see her this last time or not. I told her it was the best thing for mom to see her sister. No regrets.

Friday morning Libby, Lois, Tara and Karla came over and we made some plans regarding mom.  Doug called a few times and we got some input.  Doug and Libby talked with the Funeral home.  I talked with Pastor Joel and Pastor Sabin regarding the service. Karla and Tara came over too... they were put in charge of the food for the gathering after the service downstairs at the church.  They got ahold of Meghan and Amanda who are in charge of the flowers and centerpieces. I tell ya, my girls are incredible. My family is incredible. I don't know what I would do without them!!!  Libby's husband Kevin brought Lois, me and Libby each a bouquet... here is mine!

Tomorrow we got to mom's church and talk about the service itself. It sounds like the Pastor is in charge of it...he said.  The Lutheran's have their own way of doing things. I am hoping he honors mom's request about letting Ron play his guitar and sing some of her favorite songs.  I know Pastor Sabin is doing the Eulogy.  That is good.  Downstairs we want to set up the photo collage for her, the video Karla is making.... and a time for people to say what they want about mom. 

Lanny and I took Andrew home this morning and went to mom's. Brought her dishes, freezer food, and photo albums home. I am going through them as soon as I am done here. We should have her place cleaned out by the end of the week. I took a coat of hers for Aunt Lorraine.  I think she would like that.... and maybe some other clothes.  We'll have to see.

People have been amazing!!! Especially my blogger sisters and their prayers, love and gift of flowers! I love you all back and feel your hugs!

I got these beautiful roses from Papa

While I was playing with my mom's hair in the hospital... I asked for a lock and Lois and I both got one. I loved her hair.

The sunrise Thursday morning from the bridge.

Lauren's 2nd day of school....the night after seeing Taylor Swift!

This cool site from the bus stop! Amazing! I had no idea what the end of my day was going to be back that morning.... God must have been showing me His glory!

Well.... going to go look at pictures.  Love to all and I cannot thank you enough!!!

It's not goodbye....we will see you later!!!!

Where do I start?  I have been up since 3 this morning....got maybe 2 hours sleep.  I talked to my brother in Virginia for almost an hour this morning. He gave me such a peace.

I think most of you know my mama went to be with Jesus.  It is so hard to write those words. What I wrote in Facebook is how I feel this morning: 

My heart is broken. My best friend and mama went home. My heart is rejoicing. Mom is where she has wanted to go for the past 7 years. My heart is at peace. Mom has no more pain, no needles, no walker, no doctor appointments, no worries, no missing dad, no upcoming kidney dialysis....she is at peace. Why do I feel so numb? I'll love you forever mama.

I am feeling numb. Yesterday was the hardest day ever.  I went to work and on my first break at 11 I talked to the nurse. She basically said I should come in.  So I told Teresa and left. Talked to Marcey on my way. I flew to Bremerton.  When I got there.... mom was sleeping but in a troubled sleep. Painful sleep.  I sat and held her hand. She kept saying "God"....she was in pain. She did say she loved me.   Lois and Libby were there. Tara arrived and the doctor called us into another room to talk about the care of mom.  I don't remember all she said. I remember her saying things like she won't take any more help...no tests or medication or nothing. The best we could hope for would to make her comfortable and pain-free.  I wanted to make sure she would not hurt any more. All three of us girls had to agree and I asked the doctor to call Doug, too, and get his input. We were all in agreement with mom's wishes....what would mom want. So they moved into "comfort care" mode.  They moved her to a private room, took away all the monitors in the room, put her on an iv of pain killer, brought in a refreshment cart and chairs and made us all comfortable. They were all so wonderful to us.  Once she was on the medication she slept the rest of the time. I played some gospel music, read from the Bible. Her only great, great grandson came and met her for the first time ever.  She was so proud of him when he was born and showed off pictures. I hope she knew that beautiful baby was there.

He is so beautiful. Karla came to see me....she had said goodbye to mom and couldn't see her today....but she brought me a big hug and lots of comfort.  I sat in the waiting room with her for awhile....I was so glad to see her.  
Lanny came, Kevon & Meghan and Amanda came. We talked and laughed....mom slept through it all....but I think she knew we were there for her.
Over time mom's breathing changed.  It was tough.  Lois and Libby had been vigilante with mom for 2 days and so we talked....and they needed to go clean up and be with their husbands. Thankfully, I had mine with me.... so I stayed with mama....as did Tara.

I sat with her and held her hand all afternoon until she passed away at almost 9:00 p.m. I sang to her, read more scripture, rubbed her face, wiped her mouth, did all I could do to let her know I was there and that I loved her with all my being.  I hope I helped.


Mom always hated the next few months coming. Both her parents passed away in December. Daddy died in October. Her baby died in November. Her sister died in November. These months found her sooo depressed. Mama doesn't have to suffer with the depression and sadness anymore.  


In March of 2002 mom and I were talking about funerals and stuff on the phone.  And while she told me what she wanted.... I typed it and saved it into my computer all this time.  
Her favorite songs were: Amazing Grace, In the Garden, Because He Lives, Peace in the Valley, In the Sweet By and By, Victory in Jesus, When We All Get to Heaven. 
She said she loves yellow roses and carnations.
Memorial service at the Lutheran Church.
Get together for praise and singing led by Ron Davison
And she will be sitting on Ron's shoulder
She wants Duane Sabin to speak.


My sisters and I talked some yesterday but will probably get together today and make some plans. 
I am numb and on auto pilot right now. I don't want to think about my loss.  I want to think about her gain.  I am watching the sun come up over the water.  The sun continues to rise.

Never stop praying.

Well, mom isn't any better.  They did find out that her bowls are blocked...which is probably why her stomach hurts so bad.  Frustrating to me that it has been OVER A WEEK that her stomach hurt and now they finally did an xray.  Come on people. That could back up and poison her! 

Intestinal obstruction can result in an array of uncomfortable signs and symptoms, including abdominal pain and swelling, nausea, and vomiting. If left untreated, intestinal obstruction can cause the blocked parts of your intestine to die. This tissue death can lead to perforation of the intestine, severe infection and shock. However, with prompt medical care, intestinal obstruction can often be successfully treated. 

This is why I am so frustrated!!!! She had all the symptoms!!!  Oh well... I am praying they can help her in time!!!! She still wants to die right now. She is still in pain as of yesterday. She is SO weak it is pathetic.  Papa is picking me up tonight after work and I am going in there. Hopefully I can hold it together.

Then we find out our good friend, Lester, HIS mom is in the hospital with blood clots in her leg!!! He is close to 90.  Please keep them in your prayers.

And someone I knew from high school, Ward Henington, died Monday from brain aneurysms.  I used to stay with his mom after high school and clean for her. She had a billion knick knacks. So sad.

I taught yesterday....my first time as a real teacher of a preschool class. I had 7 students. We are doing the letter A and the number 1.  We got to know each other and made a poster where we cut out pictures from a magazine of things we love. What was good was I got to get some work done in the afternoon! We were down to ratio and Sara kept the kids with her while I went in my room and got the mats all done, the folders, last years pictures down, and other things cleaned up in my classroom!  It is a great feeling to get some stuff done. I still wish I could have spent the time being with my mom.

On a high note the kids all had a great first day of school!  I only talked to Maddie, Dylan and Andrew though. The rest were all at the Taylor Swift concert!!!!  Andrew had an "ok" day. He is in 10th grade and has such hard classes!!!

I hope you all have a great day.  I really hope my mom has a better day. Libby spent the night with her at the hospital. xoxo

first day of school... and more about mom!

Today is the first day of school for everyone around here...including my center! I had to get up really early this morning. Luckily, I slept good last night and in my bed all night for the first time in a while. No coughing fits. So 4:30 it is.... I am taking Andrew to ASB meeting and Lauren off to school. My new routine in the morning. :D It will be nice to see them in the morning. Then after work I will go see mom.

I went to see her after work yesterday. Most of you know.... I got a call from the rehab place that they called 911 and had mom sent to the hospital... she was lethargic and not doing well.  I got to work and it was SO hard to stay there while I had no idea what was going on with mom.  Libby would text me....but it was the waiting and not knowing and having 13 kids on my own that really sucked....and having no lesson plan for them! There was a 3rd grader, 2nd grader and a couple 1st graders thrown in the mix. Which actually made it harder!  So ya, it was a tough day.  I did get off at 4, thanks to Teresa, who closed for me!

Papa and I ran in there. First we had to stop at the rehab place and we picked up all her stuff! By the time I got to the hospital no one was there!!!!  Amanda had texted they were there and I knew Libby and Lois were. We walk in the room and mama was alone. I talked with her a minute, but they had given her a pain pill and she was going to sleep and I couldn't understand what she was saying except her stomach still hurt. I talked to Libby on the phone (again) and mom has a UTI among her bag of problems. Her heart rate and blood pressure are good.... as are her kidney levels.  So that is all good. Now lets fix her tummy so she will eat so she will get stronger so she will start physical therapy?  Or is she mentally done?  Every day is a waiting game.  The doctor had left so I couldn't ask my questions and the nurse never came in.  I just watched mom sleep and I could not stop the tears from flowing.  I asked Lanny if we could go...kissed mom and she said she loved me.... and tears kept coming from my eyes all the way out to my van. I got in the van and totally lost it. I cried so hard.  I think it was built up for a while....and the frustration of the day and not sleeping... it was quite a performance. Lanny just drove.... he knew I needed to do it

Got home and figured out my lesson for tomorrow and went to bed just after 8 p.m.  I did want to share a few pictures from yesterday.... these are all the kids I had:

Quite a crew, huh?

On the drive home last night the Olympic Mountains didn't look so great as there was smoke continuing over them....the fire must still be burning. :(   The picture isn't so great either...but I was driving.

Well... got more to to before I leave in an hour.

One more thing I want to mention that is so important to me.  I have received SO MANY emails, texts, facebook messages, and phone calls from people praying for mom and the rest of us, sending hugs and loves..... it  means the world to me. As I was going home last night I was thinking of all that have reached out....that have taken the time for us.... and I thank God for each person and ask Him to bless them.  I love you all!!!!!!! xoxoxo

more on mom

Lois and I spent the day with mom. Took my girls home and then Lois and I went in. Mom was asleep but we woke her up.  Very emotional time with her for awhile. But she did say that if she didn't feel nauseated and like she had motion sickness all the time she would fight to get better.  So I called and left a message with Dr. Connie's office and talked to her nurse.  Her nurse seems smart but sometimes i get frustrated.... sometimes they seem clueless.  IF we can get mom's stomach working right and find out what the problem is....she may eat and drink again....then she may get some strength back....then she will get better.  Sounds simple enough....but I am not gullible or stupid. Nothing is simple with my mama's health.  I do believe she keeps asking for the pain pills to help her sleep because that is all she wants to do.  Plus the stomach pills make her sleepy. Holly (my cousin) and Grant came by to see her.  Then Brad, Tara, Jordy and Riley.  Then Ryan came.  We let mom sleep for awhile. She got up twice to use the rest room but they put her in the wheel chair and took her the 10 feet to the bathroom. That is how weak she is. She drank an 8 oz milkshake protein with ice cream.  Ate no breakfast or lunch. Lois ate mom's lunch (meatloaf, potatoes & gravy) and it about killed me!!!  I started nutrisystems. For lunch on the go I had taken this peanut butter jelly bar. OMGosh! It was so nasty!!!!  I  barely got it down.  So it was agony to watch Lois eat that meal!  But I got the last laugh because she took a bite of the "coconut cream pie" and it ended up being banana cream! She spit it out....if you know my sis at all.... SHE HATES BANANA'S!!! LOL!  I LOVED IT!!!! Mom even laughed a little at that episode! Libby came and we even got mom to laugh a little more... at my expense...but that is ok.... as long as she laughs!  Then she kicked us out at 4... she was going to sleep and wanted us to leave.  It is hard to see her sleep all the time.  Her sister (my Aunt Lorraine) wanted to talk to her but mom gave me a message for her when she called (that she would be ok, she was just tired and wanted to sleep and she loved her) My Aunt was upset because she wanted to talk to mom. I have to make that happen in the next few days.  Mom isn't answering her phone or wanting to talk on it.  We made her talk to Doug.  Doug is having a difficult time with all of this.  Poor guy...I have never heard his voice the way it is right now... the stress and sadness coming through. He is in Winchester, Virginia and is so far from mama.  He would live here today if he could. Pray for him.

She is NOT going to like today!  They are taking her out of bed and to her doctor appointment in Poulsbo (Dr. Connie). It is at 9:30 and I have a TON of questions for Dr. Connie.  I want to try to be there but I don't know if I can swing it or not. I start work at 9:30. This is a huge doctors appt.

I think about God's goodness.  Yesterday on the way taking the girls home I started crying because they had the headphones on singing Veggie Tales "God is Bigger than the Boogie Man"... and they sang this part:

Monster #1: So, are you frightened?
Junior: No, not really.
Monster #2: Are you worried?
Junior: Not a bit.
I know whatever's gonna happen, That God can handle it.

 That last sentence just got me crying. It is so true. God is handling it now!!! She is not going before her appointed time. He is able to handle it all.... including our fears and worries, her health and concerns, everything!!!!!

This morning God gave me a beautiful gift.... here it is. I wish I could share how beautiful it really was.
These are the Cascade mountains that separate Western and Eastern Washington.

And these are the Olympic Mountains. I took this last night and you can see the smokey haze in the mountains.... there is a forest fire going on up there in our favorite part of the Olympics...down by Brinnon.  You can smell the smoke from the bridge. Praying they get it out soon!!!! Over 100 acres so far. There is also another fire burning in Port Townsend... which is about 30 minutes from us.  We'll be fine...fyi. Gonna be a hot one!!!


Well.... I need to get my day going. I need to spend time reading God's promises, praying for mom, my brothers and sisters, the doctors, and my friend Cindy and her son Justin and the rest of the men and women on the front lines.  May God bless you all!

Sad day... but some girls make me smile. :)

This will be a hard day. Labor Day. I had Lauren and Maddie last night but need to take them back this morning so I can go spend the day with mom.  I need to spend time with her.  We are on borrowed time now. Libby spent the day with her yesterday. No good reports coming in during the day. Libby brought some of her favorite foods in, too. Mom barely ate, no drink, not sure if she took her pills. She flat out told Libby she is done.
Part of me cannot blame her. Dad has been gone 7 years, mom has been sick off and on for 6 years! Her health has deteriorated so much that she is in pain all the time because of her leg, has barely any strength her arms or legs. She is truly tired!!! Her mind is fixated on the Lord, the glory of Heaven and my dad.  I can only imagine what she is going through.  I called cousin June yesterday to prepare Aunt Lorraine. Doug knows. Trying to find David. Cousins know. Marcella sort of knows....she called mom's cell the other day when I was with mom.  I have been getting so many messages of love and encouragement and promised prayers.  It means the world to me. I thank God for all these people. May He bless them!  Will be checking into moving her to Martha and Mary.  She doesn't seem to care.  She can stay longer at M&M than Northwoods. She only has 12 days left at Northwoods Lodge.
I want to blame someone....I am a bit angry at mom....yet I cannot blame her.  I wish the nursing staff would do more for her...kick her in the butt. I wish, I wish, I wish.  Instead I will pray God takes the pain from her, gives us strength to take each day as it comes, power and wisdom to know what is in our hands and what is in God's.  This is the hardest thing I've ever been through. Then there is work tomorrow.

Our daughter Heather just called. She had a Grandma meltdown last night. She loves grandma so much. She is driving over next Saturday to see her.

The girls had some fun together yesterday. They played in the sprinkler and pool for awhile! It has been so nice lately. Between my tears....they brightened my day!

I got these swimsuits on sale so they would have something to wear here when they played in the water.... Kind of big on them. Oh well, they can wear them next year too.

This was before bed and their mess. Good thing I cleaned the room that day! lol

 Well....need to go shower and prepare for the day.

Andrew, papa and I are reading the new testament.  I think I will take the Bible in with me and read to mom.  Maybe play some Christian music lightly.  I wish Lanny could be with me, too.