I am just sitting here thinking about the stages in my lives. I am 58 years old and there have been quite a few.
Of course my first stage I don't remember much. I know I was born in Everett. Mom said there were a few false alarms until I finally came! I know I didn't talk much as a child, I was told. But once I started I never shut up (from my dad's memory). Also I hated keeping clothes on. Summer or winter in the snow. I know my parents made their share of mistakes during this time. I know as much as I would like to put them on a pedastal...I can't. I loved them and they loved me but they made mistakes just like I did. Not the same but mistakes that affected the kids. Mom had to work at a banquet hall and dad worked for the water department. While they worked my oldest brother was in charge. Needless to say we were taken from our parents and put in foster home for a brief time. All I remember is it was by railroad tracks and they made oatmeal for breakfast every morning. I think Doug and Lois were with me. Libby was in a different home. I remember nothing else.
Next stage was when David was born. We moved from Alderwood Manor to Kirkland. We moved into a home my Uncle and Aunt owned and they built another one for themselves. They were very good to our family. I remember growing up in this neighborhood. I had lots of friends; the Gaulkes, the Stearns, Dawn Bellows, the Ebels, Joannie Snyder, Carol Bryant, Susie Patterson and most of all the Rayments. I even had a few adult women friends I looked up to; Mrs. Butcher and Mrs. Priddy. And of course Mr. and Mrs. Gore...the grandparents of the neighborhood. These friends lived from one end of the block to up and around the other one. And we lived smack dab in the middle...with cows in pastures, a barn, wheat fields to play in and apple trees to climb. We had a pear tree and two cherry trees in our front yard. Life was great living there! Mom continued to work but if was mostly morning shifts. Dad continued at the water department. We had an amazing dog named Lucky who was black and white with long hair and followed us kids everywhere. He died right when we were getting ready to move. We lived there from the time I went to kindergarden until the summer I was going into 8th grade, in 1969.
Going to school
From that time until 1974 I lived in Kingston. We followed my Aunt and Uncle to Kingsotn and I absolutely hated it here. I didn't like the old junior high built in 1927. I didn't like anything. I had one friend who had moved over here earlier, Carol Bryant and met people through her. I became friends with Sherri Dumdei who just moved here too. We are still friends to this day. My high school years were in the 70's. My friends and I made bad choices during those times. I kept up my grades and graduated from high school on time in 1974. Our class motto was "74 Drinks More". I'm not so impressed now. Many of our classmates became alcoholics or into drugs. Some died. During the years I was friends with many different groups; the jocks, the stoners, the brains, and lots of people from different grade levels. Didn't matter to me who they were...I just wish I had been even friendlier now. I know I missed out on knowing some amazing people now.
Next chapter was children. My favorite chapter in my life. I got pregnant with Karla and she was the greatest thing that ever happened to me! But I was so scared! Dave and I were married but he didn't know what to do with a baby either. We didn't have a phone. I remember going down a few blocks to a payphone to call and cry to my mom. It was a terrifying time in my life but I couldn't stop holding her, kissing her, and loving on her. She was the most perfect baby ever born. So beautiful. In 1978 we had a baby boy. Named him Kevon. He was chubby and blonde with blue eyes. He loved his big sister! I was so happy with these baby but not so much in my marriage. We both changed so much from 1974 - 1981. He grew up and I didn't.
Chapter 5. We divorced and in 1984 I married Lanny and inherited 3 bonus kids...Tara, Heather and Ryan! All I pictured was the Brady Bunch. I would love all of them, they would all love me, Lanny would love all of them, they would all love Lanny. Didn't work out that way. Baggage and ex's came along with the new family. I don't remember that episode on the Brady Bunch. I still have no idea all the harm we did on these kids putting them through a divorced situation with the fighting and hate. Divorce is never a pretty picture. I never thought how it would be in reality. It was so hard. I loved all the kids so much. I tried to make it fun... many camping trips, drives everywhere, games in the yard, games inside, swimming all the time, birthday parties every year, etc... I guess you never know if you did right.
Then they grew up, married, got their own lives in their own homes. Difficult time for me. I wanted to keep them forever. I never wanted to let them go so I wouldn't. lol! I kept trying to be involved in their lives somehow; offering my advice (or opinion..however you want to look at it), wanting to do gatherings with them, etc... This worked for awhile. The kids came over with their kids and we visited while the grand kids played cushions. We had dinners together, went to their homes or they came to ours. I babysat for a couple of the grandkids while their parents worked. This was the biggest blessings. My kids and grandkids still needed me. I enjoyed my time so much. I long for those times.
Now I am in a weird chapter in my life. I slowly was weined off kids. I took care of Makoa for a bit, then worked as a teacher and coodinator at Martha and Mary Learning Center for a while. I continued to get my kid fix...loving and teaching them and they loved me back as did the parents. For the past year I have been sitting here. We call it retired since I am not looking for work. Lanny is retired and he loves me home with him. However, I don't know the purpose for my life. I have gained 20 pounds since I stopped work. No one really needs me anymore. I am not invited to tag along with anyone. No one calls just to chat except Heather, who lives a couple hundred miles away. Even my grandkids are growing up and no longer call or need me. Sometimes I get a text "hi" from Madi. Those touch my heart. I know my kids and grand kids love me. No doubt. I just don't know where I fit in anymore. Now I understand how my mama felt. What is my next chapter? How do I prepare? Sitting here being waited on and doing nothing but breathing every day is not a good way to prepare. I need God to help me. Where am I going? What am I doing?
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