what a debbie downer

This week just hasn't been that great.  I have been over emotional.  I have been trying to figure things out in my head..... dangerous place to go.  I try to be a better person and improve who I am. I have been working on it for years. And I think I am doing good.  For example...it was really hard for me to let go of directing my kids. (Nice way of putting it). It is like one minute they are your children and you are teaching them right from wrong....next thing you know they are grown up and don't want you teaching them anything anymore.  That hurts.  But I have accepted it....took years.  I try to stay out of their lives.  I don't call them often so I don't intrude.  In fact, Tara and I rarely just talk.  Heather and I do once a week or every two weeks, I guess.  Karla and I hit and miss....sometimes she calls and tells me whats going on....then she stops for awhile.  I don't hear from Ryan or Amanda just to talk....it is usually about the kids. Kevon....I have to call him. Always have...always will.  There is no more Meghan in the picture....but she never returned my calls or called me anyway.  So, that is how "out of their business" I try to stay. Work helps alot. But I miss my kids. I remember when the grand kids were younger the girls would come over and we would just sit around and visit and have lunch while the babies all played. I miss those days.

Anyway....I think I have improved in many ways.  But there is still something wrong. I feel like people treat me like I am dumb or stupid.  That is hard for me because that is how my ex treated me (still does). It is a bad way to treat people.  Now it feels like some people in my family does and it hurts. They deny it...so many I am wrong or maybe they don't see it. Who knows. Life seems to be about perspective.  So I wipe the tears of frustrations and straighten up and think about my blessings!!!!!!! Which are too numerous to mention!  I am doing it on face book and will here.  I am going to eliminate a few things and blogs from my blog.  Quiet it down.
Please pray for Andrew today! He has a couple tests...big ones...he is worried about.  He is so bombarded with homework! He took 2 accelerated classes (History and English), is in Calculus, Japanese, has to be at ASB 3 mornings a week...an hour before school starts, and I know how hard he is struggling.  I wish he wouldn't have carried such a heavy load. I knew this was going to happen!!!  He puts too much pressure on himself. He struggles. He gets sidetracked easy. He can't study and do homework whenever he is awake and not in school. But it seems like that is what he does. Just PLEASE pray for him!!!!
Also pray for my brother, David. I found out he is in jail.  I am so sad for him....he was just getting his life back together....got back to working construction and going to pay off his past tickets. Well, he was arrested for his failure to appear and contempt of court for not taking care of those....and then I think him and girlfriend broke up and he broke into her place to get his stuff and now is facing charges on that!  Another one that needs prayer.  Sounds like he will be in jail all month while his court appointments wait.
I wish I had mama to talk to. I know I still can....but I need her wisdom and her telling me that things are going to be OK. I miss her.
This was really a Debbie Downer post.  I guess you better pray for me too?

The good news is....it is Friday....I am going out with Veronica, Sarah and Allison (the teachers at CLC) for dinner tonight. Looking forward to.