I was told the other day that it wasn't "all about me". I have worked so hard to make my life NOT about me these past 5 or more years it really hurt. If financially and humanly possible....I would do anything for anyone....even if it inconveniences me. I don't let them know. I suck it up and just do it. Maybe I should stop it. Who benefits? People that take advantage of me and give nothing back? Or do I really feel a blessing? I don't know. These are things I need to question. If it is for me, then maybe it is all about me when I thought it was all about them? I found some sayings I put on my facebook....
I thought these were so appropriate. I worked SO hard getting my self esteem back. It takes only a few people to have the power to make me feel insignificant and unimportant again....and quickly. I don't know if I am wording this right. There is only about a handful of people that read my blog anymore, but I know one person who does...a dear friend in Georgia. This person I have never met face to face but she has loved me and been kinder to me and cared more than some in my own family. Blood doesn't matter. Respect and love do.
I am sure my upcoming health issues are putting the pressure on me, too. I postponed my M.R.I as I explained in the past post. Now I have to have that done. Then I need to spend $50 co-pays plus the cost to go to Seattle. That sucks. I don't want to do any of it....but I don't want the side of my face paralyzed either...or worse. So I have to go through all this stuff I don't want to do.
I am still at peace about leaving M & M but now would like to find a way to make some money. I seem to be worrying about everything. My diabetes counts, my blood pressure readings, my ears, my breathing, my back, my weight I am trying SO HARD to lose, everything is worrisome to me and I miss my mom and dad so much!!!! Until you lose a parent...you will never know the pain and loneliness that goes with it. Does venting about it help? Some would call it a "pity party". I prefer to call it "venting" because sometimes it feels better to get it off your chest. Then when I look back on this....hopefully I can say "I remember feeling that way....what was I thinking?"
3 comments:
Hmmmm, I live in Georgia and I LOVE you:) Let's see here, I don't do much on Facebook so I totally understand getting away from there! I pop in and read what everyone is up to and pop back out:) Works better for me that way! I am happy that you are getting this off your chest, it is like letting the air out of a balloon... sigh:) feels better!
You have to take care of yourself first! Try to find something else to do like the job you had! I am sure you would get wonderful references:) You WERE really happy there and enjoyed the kids SO much! Perhaps less hours? Just thinking!
ANYWAY, my dear friend on the other side of the Country, HERE comes a GINORMOUS sized GANKY hug! Hope something happens GOOD to make you feel better! I love you to pieces and I have lost my Parents... SO I understand! My heart still aches for both of mine! Praying for you right this minute:) HUGGERS:)
Joyce: Please know that we love you and always will. You are very important to us. Please vent to us any time you need to, you are very special.
Bob & Linda
{{{hug}}}} our health plays a HUGE part in our outlook day to day. IN a Total Health unit study my kids had to do in homeschooling, it was so revealing to see how our mental, physical and spiritual states are SO twined together and have profound effects on each other. So stay strong. You are dealing with some physical struggles right now that are touching the other areas. I am too. It is a daily (every day is a NEW day) challenge. BUT you can do it! Keep On!! :-)
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