Happy 4th and all that stuff.

This week has sucked.  I hate that word but I don't know how else to put it.  It started out with a friend passing away. His name was Jim...a really nice guy. He was Lester's best friend, a nice Christian man who went to Promise Keepers with Lanny and Lester, went camping with our family at Wagon Wheel with his wife Ginger and this awesome dog they had. He had been in a lot of pain for a long time with cancer.  It is a blessing he is with the Lord now but he left a frail wife who loves him so much and family. And Lester and Cheryl.  Tough time.  Death always is.

Lester and Jim camping

Jim....you will be missed.

Birthdays are HUGE to me.  I love them.  I believe they are special days God chose to put us on this earth to be a blessing to others. I really believe it. I don't think it is Him just throwing darts.  We were made by the same One Who created the trees, plants, sky, universe.  We are important to him.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10
You are God’s own masterpiece. That means, you are not ordinary or average; you are one-of-a-kind original! When God created you, He went to great length to make you exactly the way He wanted you.

Now on saying that I could get into trouble for stating my next reason for my sadness but no one except Theresa reads this anyway...so I think I am safe.  I had called my daughter on the morning of her birthday. To me it is one of the greatest days of my life.  I woke up happy.  God blessed me bigtime on July 2nd.  I love my daughter so much. Probably why it hurt so much. I called and started to sing "Happy Birthday" to her like my mama did to me every year. I know I don't have the best voice in the world, but she snapped at me like she was angry. Wow. I didn't expect that to happen. The conversation didn't go on very long. I cried and cried and cried.  I was hurt.  I just don't understand my daughter.
I also believe my grandkids follow how the parents treat me and begin to treat me the same.
The next day I get a thing that said Dylan unfriended me from facebook.  I cried all the way to Poulsbo and back. I text him and asked him why. He said there were a few reason; "we have different views on a lot of what I post on facebook, he blocks a lot of people and it has nothing to do with me as a person, and he still loves me and I am still his grandma, and he doesn't like what I post on facebook." I can't believe how much it hurt me.  Then later that day I am talking to Madi and she mentions how I remind her of this lady who "talks about God all the time and is kind of annoying." Wow, again. She was really sorry for saying that and said it isn't what she meant.  I know I am annoying.  I don't know if I have always been annoying or I turned annoying.

Family is strange.  They have more power to rip your heart out than anyone else ever.  And I don't believe you can just let them go.  Some families do that.  But I see it like dieting.  Follow me here... when you quit smoking you can give up cigarettes.  When you diet you can't give up food.  When your family hurts you...you just can't separate yourself from them. So you love them anyway. I guess I still believe people don't mean to hurt me.  I am sensitive and stuff happens.  Just sucks when it is all at once.

Then there is my health.  I worry.
-Is it all the medication I am on or what. 
-I tried exercising and watching my intake of food but cannot lose any weight. I know I am obese. But I don't think every health problem I have is because of my weight. 
-My vertigo is terrible. I lay in bed and have the spins. I sit up and have the spins. I could not jump up and run out of this house if it was on fire to save my life without hitting the floor.....that is how bad it is. I get dizzy in the shower and anytime I am standing for any period of time. I cannot live a "normal" life. I worry in the grocery because I get so dizzy. Even in my recliner if I move my head too much. 
-I get headaches. 
-I get shortness of breath and it scares me. 
-Sometimes I get chest pain.
-I am emotional and sensitive more than normal. 
-I am tired all the time and take a nap most days. 
-My low back kills me. I can't even walk down the block it hurts so bad. 
See? I am a mess. There could be so many reasons for my mess too. Yes, I have googled.  I feel there is more to what is going on with my health. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I am a little scared not knowing what is going on. When you get over 50 you seem to have aches here and there for no reason and makes you wonder about everything. I don't want to over react. But Lord knows I don't want to under react. So I don't react at all. I sit to see if any more symptoms will crop up. And I pray an awful lot.

Here is what Lauren did with her dad and Uncle Kevon yesterday!

Anyway, it is the 4th of July and we have no plans. I think about 4ths in the past and how much fun they were. 

Here are some of my favorite pics...

 

Now we do nothing. Pretty pathetic. We have a dog this year that freaks out at sound of fire works. He doesn't act scared...just crazy and excited...no matter what time of day or night. Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Doesn't seem to bother the cat. That is good. I couldn't handle a crazy dog barking at the window and a crazy cat running around at 100 miles an hour bouncing off walls at the same time.

Best go and see if I can find anything on Netflix. Bored? A little. This post talks about my hurts, shows my joys and is my journal.  I know it is read by few and certainly not my family so I can post honestly.  I meant no offense to any one.  Love you who have hung with me reading my heart for the past 7 years.