Big decisions.....and lots of thoughts....

I made a huge decision. I have decided to do the nightly insulin shots. Well, I really don't have a choice if I want to get better.  I try to put on a happy face and use almost all my energy at school. But once I leave....I am exhausted all the time.  My vision is blurry as I type. My blood sugar is high.  This is the message I got from my doctor Annie when the lab results came in: 

Your diabetes test does not look good. Ideally I would like for your hemoglobin a1c to be <7, presently this is 12. It was at this level prior to starting metformin and now you are elevated again despite taking the metformin. This level indicates that your blood sugars are generally in the 300-400 range, this can make you tired, dehydrated and in the long run puts you at high risk for kidney problems, heart attack/stroke, ugh! 

So... that kind of scares me. Dr. Annie knows everything is my decision and I am stubborn. But I am stepping up to the plate. I am starting to walk every day again, watching my carb intake, trying to lose some of this weight, and getting on the insulin. I love my husband and family so much. I don't want to burden them. Plus I don't want to be on dialysis some day (thanks for the offer, Heather) or lose my feet!  Dad lost both feet before he died...and mom was prepped for dialysis with her fistula! Neither one had anything to do with diabetes...but it could. Does it make sense?

Enough about that.... I am so worried about my Aunt Lorraine. She is mom's little sister that came out last summer.  She is really, really sick in the hospital....they are not sure she is going to make it!!! I want to call cousin June so bad to see how they are all doing....especially my aunt.... but I don't want to disturb them either. My heart and prayers are with them. Please pray for them, also!

Lauren and Maddie came over yesterday.  Maddie can now leave her cat Gracie. lol! They sure had fun. We went to Red Apple store and they have smaller carts there...the girls each shopped with their own carts.  We got healthy food.  All of us want to get healthier so we bought salad stuff, green peppers, cauliflower, apples, and instead of pop they bought a vita-water whatever. Very proud of them. When they get up we will go for a walk this morning.  Lauren did a 3 mile walk with her mom yesterday! Good girl. Kids really don't get enough exercise. 'When I was a kid' we were outside playing every day....rain or shine or snow. But we had a great neighborhood to play in, too. And we were so creative!  And we didn't have videos or computers or computer games or anything like that. We had a record player and would play Mary Poppins. lol!

There was something on the news the other day about how preschool age kids don't get enough exercise with computers and all. Well, we don't have a computer for the kids. We only watch a video once a month. They go out to play ever 2 hours. I play a game with them... "If you like chocolate... take a lap!" and then they run around the playground equipment. "If you drink out of mud puddles... take a lap!" ...of course, none of them go! lol! But it is fun. Another game I play is singing "Here comes Ella down the slide (clap.. clap... clap clap)" knowing is is Cedric coming down....then I say "YOU'RE NOT ELLA!!!" They all think it is soooo funny! But it gets them to run up and down the slide! sneaky. Now if someone could trick me and make me exercise....that would be awesome!

Last Monday I called my son, Kevon, 3 or 4 times.... so I gave him a break the rest of the week. lol!  I hover when I am concerned.  But he is doing ok!  I am really proud of him!!!!! Divorce is tough but he is getting through it fine. I will always worry. I am a mom. I think I have a reason to worry about all my kids. lol!  Then I pray. I can't do anything to help anyone.  I found this saying and it not only goes for my sons but my daughters, too....

Well.... it has been 4 months today since mama went to be with Jesus. I miss her like crazy. It has taken all this time for me to realize I can't call her. I called her about everything. And she always was there.  Now I don't have her.  I never felt like I was intruding on her life. She was never too busy to talk to me.  She was always there. Now she is not.  Yesterday papa cleaned out the garage and went through bins.  There were cards from mom and dad in there and letters. I am thankful to have those!!! Some of the things she wrote that I cherish are:
"I'm very fortunate to have a daughter so caring & I'm proud of you."
"What ever happens...you know I love you. Best thing in the world I've ever did was to have children, I've not been sorry. Maybe sorry we couldn't give more material things. But I really have been fully blessed."
She wrote many more and in letters... one card has a teddy bear tucked in and says "Daughter, Just in case you didn't know it....loving thoughts from home tuck you in every single night." Mom was so good at choosing just the right card.

But on a lighter note.... so was Karla!!!!  Examples:
"You always loved me no matter what.....inside: I pushed that concept to the limit though, didn't I?" that was for mother's day....and then she wrote 'I love you always'. Karla is not all that affectionate or mushy and rarely tells me she loves me. I know she does.
Another card talked about how lucky she was to have me....Kevon crossed her name out and wrote his! lol! The other one is a whole story I will have to print another time.
I had found cards from my aunts, cousins, old friends, kids, grandkids, brothers and sisters, Lanny's mom (those I cherish...even her hand writing)... lots from papa, and then I got one from my old Sunday School class! Also.... I found one from Cameron and Brandon! Who is that? lol! Seriously....it is home made with my name on it. I don't know who they are.

This is getting way too long, ya think?  Have a great Sunday! I am off tomorrow!  Even through the sadness and problems... Life is sweet! God bless!