Big decisions.....and lots of thoughts....

I made a huge decision. I have decided to do the nightly insulin shots. Well, I really don't have a choice if I want to get better.  I try to put on a happy face and use almost all my energy at school. But once I leave....I am exhausted all the time.  My vision is blurry as I type. My blood sugar is high.  This is the message I got from my doctor Annie when the lab results came in: 

Your diabetes test does not look good. Ideally I would like for your hemoglobin a1c to be <7, presently this is 12. It was at this level prior to starting metformin and now you are elevated again despite taking the metformin. This level indicates that your blood sugars are generally in the 300-400 range, this can make you tired, dehydrated and in the long run puts you at high risk for kidney problems, heart attack/stroke, ugh! 

So... that kind of scares me. Dr. Annie knows everything is my decision and I am stubborn. But I am stepping up to the plate. I am starting to walk every day again, watching my carb intake, trying to lose some of this weight, and getting on the insulin. I love my husband and family so much. I don't want to burden them. Plus I don't want to be on dialysis some day (thanks for the offer, Heather) or lose my feet!  Dad lost both feet before he died...and mom was prepped for dialysis with her fistula! Neither one had anything to do with diabetes...but it could. Does it make sense?

Enough about that.... I am so worried about my Aunt Lorraine. She is mom's little sister that came out last summer.  She is really, really sick in the hospital....they are not sure she is going to make it!!! I want to call cousin June so bad to see how they are all doing....especially my aunt.... but I don't want to disturb them either. My heart and prayers are with them. Please pray for them, also!

Lauren and Maddie came over yesterday.  Maddie can now leave her cat Gracie. lol! They sure had fun. We went to Red Apple store and they have smaller carts there...the girls each shopped with their own carts.  We got healthy food.  All of us want to get healthier so we bought salad stuff, green peppers, cauliflower, apples, and instead of pop they bought a vita-water whatever. Very proud of them. When they get up we will go for a walk this morning.  Lauren did a 3 mile walk with her mom yesterday! Good girl. Kids really don't get enough exercise. 'When I was a kid' we were outside playing every day....rain or shine or snow. But we had a great neighborhood to play in, too. And we were so creative!  And we didn't have videos or computers or computer games or anything like that. We had a record player and would play Mary Poppins. lol!

There was something on the news the other day about how preschool age kids don't get enough exercise with computers and all. Well, we don't have a computer for the kids. We only watch a video once a month. They go out to play ever 2 hours. I play a game with them... "If you like chocolate... take a lap!" and then they run around the playground equipment. "If you drink out of mud puddles... take a lap!" ...of course, none of them go! lol! But it is fun. Another game I play is singing "Here comes Ella down the slide (clap.. clap... clap clap)" knowing is is Cedric coming down....then I say "YOU'RE NOT ELLA!!!" They all think it is soooo funny! But it gets them to run up and down the slide! sneaky. Now if someone could trick me and make me exercise....that would be awesome!

Last Monday I called my son, Kevon, 3 or 4 times.... so I gave him a break the rest of the week. lol!  I hover when I am concerned.  But he is doing ok!  I am really proud of him!!!!! Divorce is tough but he is getting through it fine. I will always worry. I am a mom. I think I have a reason to worry about all my kids. lol!  Then I pray. I can't do anything to help anyone.  I found this saying and it not only goes for my sons but my daughters, too....

Well.... it has been 4 months today since mama went to be with Jesus. I miss her like crazy. It has taken all this time for me to realize I can't call her. I called her about everything. And she always was there.  Now I don't have her.  I never felt like I was intruding on her life. She was never too busy to talk to me.  She was always there. Now she is not.  Yesterday papa cleaned out the garage and went through bins.  There were cards from mom and dad in there and letters. I am thankful to have those!!! Some of the things she wrote that I cherish are:
"I'm very fortunate to have a daughter so caring & I'm proud of you."
"What ever happens...you know I love you. Best thing in the world I've ever did was to have children, I've not been sorry. Maybe sorry we couldn't give more material things. But I really have been fully blessed."
She wrote many more and in letters... one card has a teddy bear tucked in and says "Daughter, Just in case you didn't know it....loving thoughts from home tuck you in every single night." Mom was so good at choosing just the right card.

But on a lighter note.... so was Karla!!!!  Examples:
"You always loved me no matter what.....inside: I pushed that concept to the limit though, didn't I?" that was for mother's day....and then she wrote 'I love you always'. Karla is not all that affectionate or mushy and rarely tells me she loves me. I know she does.
Another card talked about how lucky she was to have me....Kevon crossed her name out and wrote his! lol! The other one is a whole story I will have to print another time.
I had found cards from my aunts, cousins, old friends, kids, grandkids, brothers and sisters, Lanny's mom (those I cherish...even her hand writing)... lots from papa, and then I got one from my old Sunday School class! Also.... I found one from Cameron and Brandon! Who is that? lol! Seriously....it is home made with my name on it. I don't know who they are.

This is getting way too long, ya think?  Have a great Sunday! I am off tomorrow!  Even through the sadness and problems... Life is sweet! God bless!

Making plans for a great year!

You can make a plan.... but God implements them. I believe that....if He wants it to happen...it will. If he doesn't...it won't.  So I am making plans for this year.  Haven't really made plans for a long time. With mom's health...it was so hard. You never knew what would happen next.
Mainly our first plan is to save money for Papa's car to get tuned up and reset. Timing chain and stuff we are looking at over $1,000.  Then comes papa's truck. It has been sitting for 4 years... just trips around the block to keep it running.  Probably another grand. We have camping trips planned!!! One in May at Flagler, another one in June for our family Group Camp out, one in July at the Dosewallips, and another one in September at Flagler again (our favorite place).  Very excited about these trips!  Disappointed about the South Dakota trip not happening...but I am filling up my happiness now with camping trips. I know Don & Heather are coming to the group one. I am hoping they can come to another one too! It is a long haul for them. :(
After the truck is done... I want to work on my home.  I want to redo my kitchen...new floors and counter tops. I want to get new windows through the house. Paint of course. Plus papa has plans. It is nice to set goals.
I am doing good on my food goals. Cut way back on the carbs and no added sugar. It isn't easy since all I ate was carbs. lol!  But my doctor is SO UNHAPPY with my glucose readings. I average over 300. yikes. Pray for me or she will put me on insulin at night. It is serious. I finally get it.
Work has been ok.  Have some stuff to work on. Meeting with Marcey today. Pray for me as I try to do my best as Site Supervisor and teacher. I have to juggle both and I don't feel like I am doing a great job at either one.
Papa and I did great meeting our goals last year.... except the weight and health thing. But he does walk every day. Rain or shine. Changed a lot in our eating. We also got out of debt. No credit cards ever again. No debt. He also retired!  That is awesome. Got the van done...new timing chain and tuned up etc.... and I got a job!!!!
Please pray for Ryan & Amanda's backs....both tweaked them bad. Amanda did hers while trying to help Ryan by finding the rice pack. :(  I know how back pain feels. 
Got off at 1:00 yesterday because we were low on kids. Stopped and saw Karla and Gracie. What a sweet cat! 
Well...best go and get my day on. 

First day of the year!

Happy New Year! It is officially 2012!  Got a phone call from my brother in Virginia, Douglas. He just got done saving a life.... putting a stint in a 30 year old man! I am proud of my brother. He is a good guy and I love him!!! Happy New Year Douglas. I am sad because we won't see him this year. We were suppose to go to South Dakota and now we are not.  We have been tossing this around for the past couple weeks. Papa really wants to get our truck running. It hasn't had new tabs or been running for a couple of years. We haven't had the money. He needs to get the $1500 tune up on his car. New timing chain and the works. There are things that have to be worked on and fixed around the house. Money money money. Plus my back is always a concern. Same reason we don't get to Heathers. Papa's legs and hips get to hurting him. We are old. I think my parents were healthier than us all those years we took them back there!!! I am just so sad I hurt my sister. I am sorry!!!!!

We have two main resolutions. To get healthier and to enjoy life!  I don't have a choice with the first. Went to the doctors Friday and she is wonderful. She never calls me fat.. she just says I need to get healthier and I can get off most of my meds. If you know anything about diabetes.. my insulin numbers have been between 230 - 450. My average is 325. So we are trying to fix that. No wonder I don't feel good most of the time. Spacey headed, tired and sleepy, and just not so great!
I think I am going to cut out carbs as much as possible. That's my downfall. And quantity. And walk again. yech.

Yesterday we took Lauren and Andrew to see "We Bought A Zoo". Personally...I thought it would have been funnier.  Plus there was a lot of swearing in it which I was surprised by. Lauren looked over at me and whispered "I hear more than this on the bus." lol!  Do parents really know what their kids are saying when they are away from home? They would be shocked.
Took Andrew to meet his friend. They were going to Seattle to see the Space Needle fireworks. I was very stressed because we had to hurry...and that he was going to be in Seattle at night!!!!

Speaking of which...I was so stressed yesterday!!! First....I am a people pleaser big time and hate to hurt anyone. Second...Andrew drove my van from his house to Red Apple store! I didn't know he hadn't driven on highway yet!!!  I was a basket case! I get nervous with papa....who has been driving for almost 50 years and is a very good driver. I am a nervous rider...ask anyone. Thirdly, we had to hurry and get Andrew to his friends after the movie so he could catch the boat....that stressed me! Next, I noticed I left my purse at the theater!!!! So we had to go back and get it! I had to wait in the lobby about 15 minutes waiting for a manager. My back ached, my stomach hurt, I was stressed, but it was locked up in the office with everything intact. Thank you, God!!!!

Last night we watched a movie which got over at 12... switched it for the countdowns on TV..space needle one didn't have a countdown on the screen. That bummed me. But the time square one did. We would flip the channel back and forth! The 3 of us yelled happy new year and we got big huggings and squeezings and kisses from Lauren!!!! Papa went to bed.... Lauren and I goofed around and laughed and tickled and then went to bed. It was actually a great way to bring in the New Year!

I know Lauren missed Maddie last night....but Maddie was very busy with her new cat, Gracie! They got it yesterday and they all fell in love. I can't wait to meet her!

Well....going to take down Christmas Decorations today and tomorrow I am going to lunch with Veronica and discussing school plans. We are going to be more of a tag team this year. I am giving her more to do and looking forward to it! I think she is excited too! :D

Have a great 2012!