Today is such a great day.....

Well....it is Wednesday.  Nell spent the night last night and it was so nice to sit and watch TV and eat spaghetti and just visit. We went to bed by 9 so it was an early night!!!  We had to get up early. Went to coffee down in Kingston where we used to go and had lots of laughs.  Jael was with us and I think we night have embarrassed her.  We were pretty weird. But I did get Jael to sing along with a song playing this song: When You Say Nothing a All!

I love this song. Of course this isn't Jael....it is Alison Krauss. I think Jael sang it better. Truly. The guy behind her was listening. She sounded so pretty. I wish you all could have heard her. It was worth the 87 cents or whatever I paid her to do it. Lol!

Then I picked up Lanny and we went to the bank for some paperwork, went to the Fed Ex office in Silverdale and sent the paperwork off to the lender. (Refinancing our house). Then we went and had lunch at Kings Wok. It was so good. It is remodeled and the food seems better!

On our way home we had an interesting experience....one of the coolest I have ever had!  We were on Paradise Bay road and an Eagle came flying right towards us! It was coming right at us like we were prey it was going to pick up. I honked to scare it up and away. It missed us.... but it was SO freaky! Lanny said the wing span was wider than our van! That was one big bird!!!!  I wonder what it was doing????

Been relaxing since I got home. I am soooo tired.  Ready for bed and it is only 4:00 p.m.!  Well, I had to write about todays experience. It was an awesome day!

Presidents Day and all is well....

God is enough. It is well with my soul.  I am in a much better place today than I was yesterday.  I melted yesterday.  I am not bipolar or schizophrenic. I get into my head too much sometimes.  I get hurt so easy and sometimes make things bigger than they may be.  I try not to. I wish I was the kind of person that could just let things go. Not let anything bother them.  Papa is that way.  If someone doesn't call him or come see him or ignores him he just figures they don't care and he is ok with it.  But it took a lot of awful years in his life to build the wall he has up. lol!  An argument with him triggered it yesterday.  We NEVER argue anymore....haven't for a long time. After he left to go to the store I got physically ill with major stomach issues.  I had to cancel my dinner with David and the girls. I went to bed for almost 4 hours. I slept most of it. When I woke up I was feeling a bit better.  Andrew and Lauren came over.  He looked so handsome in a tie again. He was going to the 5:00 service then he and had a leadership meeting.  Lauren hung out with us. She has a way of making me smile.  My grandkids make my smile. I saw this saying and it is so true.

Last night I did my month long menu and grocery list for March.  It is getting easier getting a month long menu together. The only thing we ever run out of is milk and bread during the month.

Tomorrow morning I am cleaning my bedroom.  That is the truth.  Jael and her mom are coming this way again.  Next Sunday we are going to Makoa's birthday party! He is turning 4 years old!  Isn't that amazing?

He is growing up so fast!!!! These were taken last year at his 3rd birthday:

I am looking forward to it! So good to see them and lots of good food! Good times!

Well, today is President's Day! Here is what I found out about this day. 

Presidents’ Day is an American holiday celebrated on the third Monday in February. Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington, it is still officially called “Washington’s Birthday” by the federal government. Traditionally celebrated on February 22—Washington’s actual day of birth—the holiday became popularly known as Presidents’ Day after it was moved as part of 1971’s Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers. While several states still have individual holidays honoring the birthdays of Washington, Abraham Lincoln and other figures, Presidents’ Day is now popularly viewed as a day to celebrate all U.S. presidents past and present.

 

It was hard to teach the kids last year about it at school. Did some pictures and crafts but it wasn't as exciting as Valentines Day or looking for Leprechauns. This is what I was teaching the kiddo's last year at this time:

The police department came and visited....

we went to the fire department....

my sister came and talked to the kids.....

 and we walked down to the post office and the lady was not there to give the tour. We were so disappointed! It is one of those things "you can't go back".  I really miss those times but it is so different there now!  I really miss the kids. :D

Well.....Lauren has gone home. Maybe it is time for a nap.  I hope you all have a good day and week ahead!

Very low place today....warning!

I am not in a good place this morning.  I probably shouldn't even be posting. I am missing my mom so much right now.  She was the one person I could talk to about anything!!!!  My marriage, finances, family, health....she cared, was compassionate without babying me, she didn't judge me, she loved me enough to listen and give advise when needed, knew everyone in our lives, and knew me better than I may have known myself.  I don't have that anymore. That hurts so much.
I would tell her how lonely I am.  How I don't really have many friends (contrary to what Facebook says), and no close friends left. How this wonderful Brady Bunch family I had hoped for never happened. How I feel so intrusive if I want to spend time with them. How some of my kids hardly even talk to me and how much it hurts.  How distant I am feeling from so many people.  How dumb I feel around  people. How inadequate I feel.  How insecure I feel. How I am always second guessing what I say or do. How nothing I ever seem to say or do is right or good enough. How I cannot even cook or clean without being criticized.  How I would like to get a job but can't find one that will allow me to not be on my feet for more than 5 minutes or lift heavy things. How I would like to help with our finances but nothing is out there for me. How I would like to make just one or two decisions during the day without being corrected. How I feel like I may have wasted my life. How unappreciated I feel. How maybe I don't deserve appreciation.
Yes, I am crying as I write this because no one is home and it is something I can do without someone telling me to stop. Mama wiped my tears when I was a baby and as I grew up. I wish she was here to wipe them now.
I am just rattling on and on about what is coming to my head. How I miss mama and wish I could hear what she would say to me right now.  There is a lot of "I's and me's" in this post. But it is what is on my heart right now.
I know my mama would understand because there were times she felt so lost and alone too.  Where she felt ignored, a burden, in the way. I understand her now.
I have guilt with my mom. I called her almost every day from the time I was married until she died.  I tried to spend time with her....having her over and taking her places and even just going over there to hang out. I loved those times and I am so happy to have those memories. Memories I cannot continue to make.  What I feel a bit guilty about is when she was sick.  Pushing her. Being selfish in wanting to hang on to her. Eighty years old and we were pushing her to go to physical therapy.  It hurt her. She did it for us....not herself. But we pushed her to get stronger so we could keep her.  She was in the nursing home and we pushed her to eat.  No one knew she had a bowel blockage and we kept pushing her to gain her strength...no matter what it took. "Get out of bed", "eat", "get dressed" "walk down the hall"....when all she wanted to do was sleep because she was in pain. We thought she was giving up and we were getting upset with her.  I can see it from a whole new perspective now.  I would tell her I am so sorry. So, so sorry!!!!!!
If I could have today to talk to her....just one more day.